Creating a stress-free holiday takes a bit of planning but it is possible and fully worth it. Here are a few ideas for getting through the holidays with your sanity in tact.
Know What You Want: The first step to creating a holiday season you enjoy is to envision it.
The holiday season can sometimes feel like a trudge as we try to meet one obligation after another. Attending holiday parties, end-of-year work load, getting together with family, gift buying, so on and so on can all really get to be a lot. Maybe all of this feels great for you. If so, there is no harm in diving in and going for it. But if the holidays begin to feel less festive and more like a list of chores, it may be time to reevaluate what works for you. Maybe you love holiday parties and plan to hit them all. Or you hate them and it would be ideal to skip them all. Maybe you love gift buying and really want it to be a part of your holiday season for sure. It could be that you’re a bit conflicted about the family get together this year and have to decide how you want that to look for you. Or maybe that none of it feels great and deciding to lay low during the holidays feels like the right move. Whatever it is, consider this your permission to create a holiday season that feels right for you. Sit with yourself (and/or close loved ones) and decide which things make the cut and which things do not.
Compromise and Boundaries: As you envision your ideal holiday, be really honest.
Even if you don’t feel it’s realistic, allow yourself to really think about what you want for the holidays because it is likely that you will make some compromises along the way. That’s okay but make sure to start from a genuine place. It can help minimize irritation later. If you make a few compromises on what you really want it likely won’t be as frustrating as bending on an already compromised vision. It may be that opting out of the family dinner or office party altogether sounds great but you agree to go for a limited amount of time. This way you see the people you may want to see, keep peace with the fam or office, and get out before it all gets to be too much. Maybe you set a really strict budget for the holidays to keep things from getting out of control. If it’s possible (it’s okay if it isn’t) you can set an ideal budget and absolute budget. That way you know your goal is the ideal budget but you rein things in before you meet the absolute budget. If balancing time between the office and home is particularly stressful this time of year, it’s okay to do both. Collaborate with your family and set times for when you’ll be working and when you’ll be home ahead of time, then stick to it. Prioritize work tasks so you’ll know you’re getting to the important things. Then, get okay with letting some things wait for the sake of your family.
It is wise to make some compromises during the holiday season. Just as we hope others take our feelings into consideration, we want to do the same for them. But it is also wise to draw some boundaries. Think of what things really feel like a no-go for you and which things you could bend on a little. Once you’ve set those boundaries for yourself, stick to them! Remind yourself (and others, if needed) where you’ve already made compromises and then feel good about taking care of yourself by staying within your boundary.
Disagreements: Your mom is at it again and it’s really getting under your skin.
What do you do? It is inevitable that one or some family members can really get to you and that spending extended periods of time with them during the holidays gets stressful. Maybe they continue to be critical or dismissive in the same ways after you’ve tried to explain how that feels for you. Or maybe they like making politically charged comments that always offend and frustrate you. How do you deal with it? First, stay calm. Going back and forth or yelling over the issue won’t change their mind or behavior. You may have already done that plenty of times before anyway, so keep your cool. Try avoiding and ignoring the behavior. Sometimes, if there is no response, folks just move on. It may be entertaining to them in some way to get you riled up. But once they see it isn’t working, they might give up. Problem solved. But sometimes it isn’t that easy and they don’t give up. If they don’t and you feel you have to address the issue, be thoughtful about what you say and how you go about it. Keep in mind that, regardless of the outcome, the goal is to express yourself. If they don’t respond favorably, you tried and that is the extent of what you can do. Lastly, if it seems this is going to continue despite your best efforts to ignore the behavior and express yourself, you can calmly state “This is making me uncomfortable. If you can’t stop, I’ll have to leave”. Then if they can’t stop, leave. Have a backup plan in mind for how you’ll spend the time. Communicate all of this to your partner so they’ll be aware. You aren’t responsible for other’s behavior, just your own. You aren’t responsible for anyone else’s peace or sanity, just your own. So, ultimately you get to decide how to spend your holidays in a way that feels as stress-free as possible.
It is possible to maintain your sanity during the holidays but it does take some thoughtfulness and planning. The perfect holiday season usually doesn’t just come together. Instead, you have to be a bit intentional about it. But once you get your plan and communicate those boundaries, you get to sit back and enjoy the twinkling lights and eggnog. Here’s to whatever holiday vision is dancing in your head. Happy Holidays!
