Why It Matters and How to Do It Well
Receiving positive feedback should be easy, right? Someone compliments you or something you have done and you simply say "thank you." Yet for many of us, accepting praise can feel surprisingly uncomfortable. We might deflect compliments, minimize our achievements, or quickly change the subject. This reluctance to embrace positive feedback can diminish our accomplishments and the joy we can feel from the acknowledgement. It can also make things feel slightly awkward and inadvertently discourage others from offering future recognition. It is not that we do not appreciate the feedback, it is just that many of us can struggle with how to actually receive it.
Why We Struggle with Accepting Positive Feedback
It is possible that we just have not built the capacity to tolerate positive feedback. It is a bit sad to say but I do not think we generally offer enough positive affirmations or compliments to each other. So when we do hear them, it is almost as if it catches us off guard and we sometimes have not built the ability to actually receive them. I often remind clients that even positive feelings can be a bit intense at times. With that in mind, it is okay to practice letting your body absorb positive feedback.
It may also be the case that many of us have been conditioned to equate humility with self-deprecation. We worry that accepting praise might make us appear arrogant or self-important. Some of us experience impostor syndrome and feel undeserving of recognition even when it's well-earned. Cultural factors can also play a role, as many societies value an idea of modesty and actively discourages acknowledging personal success.
The Benefits of Accepting Positive Feedback
Despite the struggle, there can be a lot of benefits to actually practice accepting positive feedback. Doing so can strengthen relationships by validating the person giving the feedback and showing you value their opinion. It can enhance your self-awareness by helping you recognize and actively acknowledge your own strengths and accomplishments. Letting yourself believe and accept positive feedback can also help increase confidence. It creates a positive cycle where acknowledgment of your abilities leads to a fuller picture of who you are.
How to Accept Positive Feedback with Finesse
Here are some practical strategies for becoming more comfortable with praise:
A “thank you” and a smile. Simply saying “thanks, I really appreciate that” with a smile acknowledges the feedback without diminishing yourself or the giver's perspective. Also, resist the urge to add qualifiers like "it was nothing" or "anyone could have done it" which probably are not quite true anyway.
Pause and absorb the moment. Rather than rushing to respond or change the subject, take a breath and allow yourself to feel the positive emotion, then respond.
Share credit appropriately. If others contributed to your success, it's fine to acknowledge them, but do so after accepting the compliment. "Thank you, I'm really proud of how it turned out. I had a great team helping me."
Ask thoughtful questions. If appropriate, engage further with specific questions: "Thank you! What aspect did you find most effective?" This shows you value the feedback while encouraging more detailed insights.
Document positive feedback. You can make a mental note or jotting it down somewhere is even better.
Grace and Gratitude
How we receive positive feedback ultimately affects more than just ourselves. When we dismiss or deflect praise, we may inadvertently diminish other’s judgement and efforts as well as discourage future recognition. We also miss opportunities to disrupt possible patterns of unhealthy self-criticism and incorporate honest feedback about our strengths.
By contrast, gracious acceptance creates a culture where recognition flows more freely and everyone feels more comfortable giving and receiving praise.
Ultimately, accepting positive feedback is an act of gratitude—both for the recognition itself and for your own abilities and efforts. Like any skill, it improves with practice. You can start by simply smiling and saying, “I appreciate that” without qualification, and gradually build your capacity to fully receive and appreciate the positive reflections others offer you.
The next time someone compliments your work, your appearance, or your character, challenge yourself to accept it wholeheartedly. You might be surprised at how this small shift enriches both your relationships and your sense of self.
